


So You've Adopted A Troll

by Kloasky



Category: Homestuck
Genre: How to care, Other, trolls as pets, what to do when your troll decides to claim your furniture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-25 16:31:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3817315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kloasky/pseuds/Kloasky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So you've brought your new troll home, and instantly find that it's a lot harder to care for than you imagined! Just what DO you do when your new buddy decides to act out? Why in the world is it rubbing its horns on doorframes? Do I need special food? Well, this helpful guide is here to answer all your questions on troll care!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is actually my first attempt at writing something like this? It sort of hit me in the spur of the moment, when I recently adopted a guinea pig and picked up a handbook for it.

**So You've Adopted a Troll**

You just brought home your new cuddly friend, your mind full of the possibilities of years and years of friendship and love. Then, fifteen minutes later, you are so confused as your new troll has decidedly peed on everything you own, tore the toys apart, and is now claiming your sink as its new home and hissing at you every time you go near it.  
It's starting to sink in that this is no cuddly pal that's instantly going to love you from the second you put it in your home. This is a creature that's going to make you shout, laugh, cry, and spend hours trying not to tear out your hair. Your new troll is a creature of habits, feelings, opinions, and quirks that don't necessarily show up on that first meeting in the Cullarium.  
And now, it sort of hits you that you have no idea what you're doing.  
This handy guide will help you learn to care for your new pet, from establishing structure and boundaries to feeding habits and what to do when your troll starts getting a little bit bitey.

**A Few Quick Facts:**

-Trolls are interesting and have lively personalities. Simply having one in your home is sure to liven up your home, if only because these pets are high-energy and intelligent creatures. A quiet home is probably not one that has a troll in it.

-Trolls are not good starter pets for any kind of family! If you have children, I'd strongly reconsider getting a pet troll until your child is at least 12 or so. Trolls do not like to be poked, prodded, or picked up for excessive lengths of time and may kick, bite, andclaw at your child to get free when it feels that enough's enough. 

-Trolls are VERY long lived pets, and can sometimes even outlive their families twice or even three times over. So when you adopt, know that you've got a companion for life!

 

**First Things First:**  
  
You may think you're ready to start the journey of owning a pet troll, but are you REALLY ready? Have you got the essential supplies you'll need to make those first few weeks in your home the best experience for them? Check with this list, and make sure you have at least these basic essentials!

Relaxation:

-A recuperacoon  
-A pile of blankets, pillows, fabric, or other soft material  
-Toys

Food and Water:

-A large bag of kibble  
-A set of water and food bowls

Hygienic Care:

-A litterbox  
-A hornpost  
-A fang scrubber

And most importantly:  
-TIME

 

Your troll will take some time to train into a upstanding pet that will sooner listen to you than lunge for the neighbor's pet poodle, and will be a long and hard effort. Trolls are naturally more inclined to do their own thing, and are notoriously hard to train. Some trolls are easier to train based on their color rating, but for the most part are stubborn and difficult to train if you don't really work at it.

For those willing to take the time to train and care for their troll are rewarded with loving, loyal companions for years to come!


	2. Table of Contents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, moving on to the Table of Contents, where each little notation is its own chapter in this big book of What Am I Doing With My Life?

**Table Of Contents**

 

 **Preface**  


**Chapter 1 - Choosing Your Troll  
**

**-** Top Five Color Ratings For Urban Living

\- Psionics, Positives and Negatives

\- Psychics and Telepaths, The Good and the Bad

-Should I get a Guard Troll?

**Chapter 2 - Basic Care**

-Horn Care

-Litter Training

-Fang and Claw Care

-Troll Romance and What To Expect

**Chapter 3 - What To Do When Your Troll is Ill**

**-** When Should My Troll See a Vet?

**Chapter 4 - Training**

\- Basic Commands

-Intermediate Commands

-Advanced Commands

-Psionic and Psychic Tricks

-Guard Training

-Discipline

**Chapter 5 - Troll Reproduction**

-What to Expect

 **-** Buckets (And Why They're Used) **  
**

**Chapter 6 - Troll Relationships**

-What is a "Quadrant"?

-How to Find a Quadrant for Your Troll

**Chapter 7 - Grub and Wiggler Care**

-Grubproofing Your Home

-Chewing

-Crying

**Chapter 8 - Pupation**

-What to Expect

-Chrysalis Care

**Chapter 9 - Troll Talk**

-Just How Smart IS My Pet?

-Troll Intelligence Tests

-Speech or Mimicry?

 


	3. Choosing Your Troll

**Choosing Your Troll**

**  
**

So you've decided you want a troll! Whether you adopt from a cullarium or decide to buy from a breeder, there are a few things to keep in mind when you choose your new pet for life. What kind of life do you lead? Are you an active person or are you more laid back? While all trolls are great companions, some may need more training than others, some may try to wheedle more food from you, some may just want love and cuddles, and others might need the high octane energy of an active lifestyle. Try to keep that in mind when you make your choice of troll. 

 

**What is Your Lifestyle Like?**

If you're an apartment dwelling guy on the fifteenth floor of a high-rise building, getting a high-energy troll like a Cerulean or Olive may not be the best idea for you. On the other hand, if you live in the suburbs with your wife and two point five kids, a low energy troll may not be a good idea for you either! It's all a matter of balance when it comes to trolls, and getting their basic needs in is just the start of caring for them. Another thing to keep in mind is your activity levels. If you prefer the quiet life of reading in a cozy little library to running around a park, you might want to consider a troll that likes quiet just as much as you! 

Your trolls color rating, size, personality, activity level, and health should all come into thought when you make your decision. Do you have the time and money to care for a disabled troll? Do you have the care and energy to keep up with a growing wriggler or grub? Can you be quiet for a timid troll? Remember, you're not just getting a pet, the troll is getting a new home so make your choice with lots of forethought in mind!

 

**Before You Visit a Cullarium**

Before you even step foot in a cullarium, shelter, pound, or breeder's home, there are a few things to do! A little bit of homework before you visit a cullarium can really help you find the perfect companion for you and will save you a lot of headaches.

-Visit trollfinder.com, which can help you find trolls all around your area in shelters or cullariums that would love a good home! If you're dead set on getting a troll from a breeder, then you're free to skip this step but adopting a troll can really help in keeping populations on some overbred colors down! Some purebred color ratings have a higher chance to get genetic illnesses that result in terrible physical deformities or mental illnesses. 

-When looking up a shelter, try to avoid ones that say the same general thing about a troll -- like being sweet, loving, and friendly. It can sometimes mean that they don't know the personality of their trolls too well, or may even be withholding information from you about a troll to make it easier to get rid of it. 

-Call around to your choice of cullariums, and ask their policy on returning trolls or how they rate a troll as being adoptable. All cullariums should do temperament testing, as some trolls can be testy and not suited for some homes! Try not to adopt a troll with a violent personality, unless you're certain you can handle it!

-Try sitting in on a training class (or a few) to get a feel for trainers and their methods. If students are around with shelter-adopted trolls, try asking them where they adopted from! Try to locate a trainer that uses good training methods to encourage trolls, rather than punish them. 

-Enter your choice of shelter with an open heart. You may think you want that rambunctious Rust with the perfectly symmetrical horns, but you may find a sweet little Yellow with quirky teeth that's better suited for you. Attitudes in a shelter aren't always an indicator of future personalities in the home, and size is no indicator of energy levels. Some smaller trolls do better in homes than apartments, and some larger trolls are better suited for studios than wide open spaces.

 

**Visiting The Cullarium**

When you first enter the cullarium to adopt your new friend, you may find yourself overwhelmed with the amount of choice when it comes down to it! Keep your head, and try to remember the important things about what you want. Personality should rank higher than looks, and health should be something to consider! 

-When you step foot into the shelter, try to get a read on the attitude of staff and volunteers. Are you greeted warmly and treated with respect? Are the interviewers genuinely interested in who you are and helping you find the right troll for you, or are you grilled like a felon caught in the act? Concerns about your answers should be used to help enlighten you, not conemn you. If you feel like you're getting the third degree, leave. It'd be next to impossible to focus on finding your companion with this kind of atmosphere.

-When you see the trolls, try not to get too distracted by all of them! Try to make note of the ones that stand out to you, at least a few should. Make a circuit to get a look at all of the trolls and then go back to the ones that stood out to you and greet them one at a time to see how they react to you. Hold out your hand between the meshing of their kennels for them to sniff. Remember, trolls in cullariums are attention starved and should be eager to meet you! If it sniffs your fingers and acts friendly, tell it that it's a good troll in praise! If it growls, snarls, or god forbid, lunges at you, you should cross those off your list. Trolls that back away, cower or hide from you should be given space at the least. Try to find one that greets you eagerly, but not too rudely.

-When you think you have an idea of which trolls might be good for you, take them out of their kennels one at a time to a quiet room or secluded corner and spend a few minutes with it. If it's eager to interact with you, try to pet it gently from the back of the head down to mid-spine. Don't touch it's horns right off the bat! They're sensitive and can make a troll react poorly. If the troll tries to shake you off, hunches down, or growls, you may want to reconsider. This troll obviously doesn't want to cuddle and may react aggressively in the future to those who touch it without permission.

-If your choice of troll seems sociable enough, ask if you can feed it some treats or even a small snack to judge how it reacts to others when eating. When you place the food in front of the troll, let it start eating and then VERY carefully try to pet it. If it looks up at you, wags its tail or even ignores its food to say hello back to you, this might be a keeper! If it turns away, growls, or tries to snap at you it's a resource hoarder and you should reconsider adopting it.

-If your choice is still with you, try to pet it all over! It should be receptive to your touch and eager to cuddle with you, or at least tolerate your touch. If it mouths at you, even gently, try another troll. Mouthing is a sign of displeasure, even gently, and can escalate to a bite if someone ignores the signs. If he's still with you, try playing with the troll. A ball or some jingly toys are great to try with them. When you play, try to get them active enough to engage with you, then see how long it takes them to calm back down. This can be a good gauge of energy levels!

If you think you've got the one, then congratulations! Feel free to adopt your new friend and take them home!

 

 

 


	4. Color Ratings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one took a little while to really think about, but I think I found a nice balance.

**Color Ratings: What Are They?**

You might have seen your neighbor walk with their troll, or a few trolls playing in a park, or even on television in ads! But each one probably looked different or even like different species entirely. Well, like dogs and cats, trolls have different breeds! Though instead of calling them something like "Troll Retriever" or a "Ragtroll", they are referred to by color. 

How trolls are classified is based upon a few key elements of their physical appearance, and internal structures. Just as Great Danes are bigger than Chihuahuas, Rusts and Browns tend to be a lot smaller and more wiry than their relatives, Violets and Purples. Let's take a look each of the Color Ratings, as there are twelve "official" Colors recognized by the World Troll Society Company, or the WTS Company. Keep in mind that not all trolls adhere to Color standards, just as there are some quiet Siamese cats.

**Rusts:**

Your typical Rust troll is a common sight in many places even if you don't think you've ever seen one! Rust trolls tend to have thinner limbs, stocky bodies, and small fangs. The best way to determine a Rust from any other Color is to look into their eyes. While all juvenile trolls -- wrigglers -- have gray eyes, adult trolls have irises that are the same color as their Color Rating. This also holds true to their blood color, Rusts have rusty red, almost maroon colored blood. Their horns are generally more curvy than other trolls, or larger and heavier. They can be energetic, rambunctious, and eager to please. These trolls tend to also have a form of Telekinesis. However, some do not fit this norm and are instead somewhat abrasive, or hard to get to know. One of the shortest-lived trolls, Rusts can age up to 80 years old before dying of old age. 

Rusts tend to get dementia as they age, as well as get arthritis a little easier than other trolls.

 

**Browns:**

Another common Color of troll, Browns are much more stocky and sturdy in build than Rusts. They tend to have larger molars and front canines, as well as larger horns than the average. Like Rusts, they have brown eyes in adulthood, and gray eyes in wrigglerhood. Browns also have chocolate-colored blood. Shy and sweet, these trolls tend to also be vegetarian or at least prefer more vegetation in their diet than other troll Colors. They tend to be strong of muscle but gentle of personality. Farmlands sometimes use Browns to till fields or do manual labor, and some even pull carriages. Some Browns have an unusual communion with other animals, seeming to understand them on a very high level. Another short-lived troll, however, Browns can live up to 90 years old.

Browns tend to have brittle teeth and can be victims of bullying due to their placid natures. They also tend to like high places in an almost paradoxical fashion, as they can sometimes break bones attempting to leap from such heights.

 

**Yellows:**

Yellows are energetic, thin trolls who enjoy a mental challenge! Thin of body and wiry of frame, these guys are some of the most intelligent of troll Colors, some taking up computer coding, playing video games, or generally driving their owners insane from sheer annoyance. One of the most difficult trolls to care for, as they also tend to be Psionics. Psionic trolls have an unusual skill over electrical objects and have a sort of electromagnetism-based telekinesis. Yellow trolls also have mustard-yellow blood and eyes. Yellows seem to have little self control and will sometimes burn out their energy reserves in short periods of time. These trolls can live to be 130 years of age, and are usually used in performances, shows, and on television for unique special effects.

Yellows tend to be prone to insomnia, fatigue, and eating disorders when allowed to eat and drink at its own leisure. 

 

**Olives:**

Want the self-care of a cat, the loyalty of a dog, and the intelligence of a troll? You should get an Olive, as these independant-yet-loyal trolls might be what you're looking for. Olive trolls are known for their playful personalities and expressive faces. Muscled and strong, these trolls are well suited for guard-work, childcare, or even therapy work. They tend to have longer and fluffier tails than other Colors, and have olive colored blood and eyes. Sometimes, these trolls will take on challenges that are much too difficult for them, but are reported to be some of the most loving of trolls. Olives can live to be about 140 years of age.

Olives are almost always nocturnal, and tend to be sleepy in the daytime. Olives also need to have their claws trimmed on a regular basis, as they grow and self-sharpen very quickly. Other than that, Olives are a rather healthy Color of troll.

 

**Jades:**

Jades are a rare Color of troll, an uncommon sight in small towns and only slightly more apparent in cities. These trolls are sometimes considered snooty or standoffish, but are very intelligent. They tend to be very maternal and care for younger trolls and wrigglers, and almost artistic. Some enjoy messing with paints or fabric, and make elaborate piles of colorful materials. They also very much like to wear clothing and hate being naked. Jades have brilliant green blood and eyes, and are sometimes pets for the rich and famous. Jades can live to being 180 years old. 

Jades can sometimes get exceptionally anxious, over focused, and sometimes even get Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

 

**Teals:**

Teal trolls are tricky little trolls that enjoy lots of play. These trolls tend to have slender bodies, muscular and almost catlike in their slinky movements. They like to rule the roost, setting out the rules for other pets and sometimes their owners too! Their teal eyes and blood make them striking, as well as their personalities. Stubborn and almost headstrong, these trolls hate being wrong and will deal out punishment to those who wrong them in their own unique ways. Living as long as 200 years, these trolls tend to be family pets and are very sadly missed when they pass.

Teals tend to suffer from a number of disabilities, such as blindness, deafness, or inability to smell. However, they tend to be sturdy and healthy trolls otherwise.

**Ceruleans:**

These blue-blooded and blue-eyed trolls like to get into their owner's lives and attach themselves there firmly. They tend to accompany their owners to places they really ought not to be, such as work, school, or social gatherings. But it's also very hard to get them to cooperate without some serious training. These trolls tend to enjoy a good fight with other trolls, and tend to poke and prod to instigate playfights. Or real ones! Ceruleans have bombastic personalities and tend to leave an impression, living long long 220 year long lives.

Ceruleans tend to suffer from some eye problems as well as aggression issues. They tend to not get on well with shorter-lived trolls.

 

**Indigos:**

Hugely muscular, stocky and sturdy, Indigo trolls can sometimes be mistaken for Purples from sheer size alone! However, they are great family pets, tending to be gentle giants and loving trolls. They get along great with just about any other troll, but sometimes have issues of confidence and defer to stronger willed owners and trolls. Blue-eyed and navy-blooded, these trolls have all the strength of a Purple with all the delicate personality of a Brown. Similarly to Browns, these trolls do well with manual labor, hauling heavy loads, or just chilling with their owners on couches. Living to 250 years old, Indigos have been called the Family Guardian troll.

Indigos can have brittle horns and teeth, tending to snap them through day to day lives. While they can usually recover or regrow their broken horns or teeth, sometimes permanent damage can be done. 

 

**Purples:**

Purples are wonderfully lovely trolls, huge of body and personality! Some enjoy loads of play and some prefer lounging around, but one thing is for certain, Purples are HUGE. Thick haired and long-tailed, Purples are the embodiment of large and in charge. They tend to have loud strident howls and are largely vocal trolls, used as security for some families. Muscular and strong, these guys have no problems simply sitting on intruders until authorities arrive. Notoriously difficult to train without an adequate motivator, Purples tend to have worse barks than bites. These long-lived trolls can live up to 280 years of age.

Purples are prone to a troll disease called CBA-- Coolblooded Aggression -- resulting in rages that can last for days or weeks, up to a few months long. In this state of mind, Purples are very very aggressive, tend to be violent, and aren't themselves at all. Many Purples are put down due to CBA and there is currently no known cure as this is a genetic disease.

 

**Violets:**

Snooty, long-lived and deeply pretentious, Violets are one of two pseudo-amphibious troll Colors. Violets have beautiful fluttery or almost feathery gills on their necks and along their ribcages as well as fluked tails and facial fins. Prone to acting uppity, they are prized pets of the rich and famous, with purebred Violets being incredibly expensive. They tend to have a very dramatic personality, whining over perceived slights and crowing over minor wins. They are not afraid to voice their displeasure with given situations, though can be very loyal to those that win their affections. Living to be almost 300 years old, Violets tend to be the hardest to raise and train.

Violets tend to get dry skin and need fresh tubs of salt water to keep them well-hydrated. These pets are not for the elderly or busy, as they are high maintenance trolls.

 

**Fuchsias** **:**

Some of the rarest trolls, the Fuchsia Color are difficult to breed, obtain, and raise for a number of reasons. You will probably never see one in your entire life, and if you do, it's probably one owned by some of the wealthiest persons in the world! At the current, there are only 50 known pure-breed Fuchsias, and as such, not much is known about them. Only that they have much more feathery features, scales instead of skin, and long lives. The oldest Fuchsia on record is almost 500 years old with no signs of old age at the moment.

Health issues with Fuchsias are unheard of.

 

**Candies:**

A relatively new Color of troll, Candy trolls have a lot of different things to offer their owners. They have brilliant eyes and blood colors, with a common color being scarlet red that's much more brilliant than even human blood. Body styles tend to differ between individuals as does personalities and abilities. As some of the first Candy trolls are still in juvenile or early adulthood stages of life, there's not much known on how long they can live.

Candies tend to get stomach aches and can sometimes have insomnia.

 


End file.
